Avengers Horror Picture Show
by KitsuneClouds
Summary: Or does Rocky Horror Avengers Show sound better? Oh, yes I did. Cast: Brad Coulson, Janet Maria, Frank N. Furter Loki, Rocky Steve, Riffraff Tony, Magenta Natasha, Columbia Clint, Eddie Thor, Dr. Scott Fury. Enjoy!


**Avengers Horror Picture Show**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Rocky Horror_ or _Avengers_. I saw a picture crossing the two and decided to write a story.

**A/N:** Normally my parodies are only somewhat related, just taking the storyline and characters and totally making it my own. But I decided to make this one closer to form, with similar script and definitely keeping the songs.

Just a reminder – bold is singing.

Maria Hill and Phil Coulson were in Phil's car, driving away from a wedding for their best friend. Maria was still in Wedding Mode, daydreaming about her desired wedding with Phil (1). The car began to slow down, regardless of Phil's desperate attempts to keep it moving. The car eventually stopped, bumping off to the side of the road.

"What happened?" Maria asked, coming back to reality. She looked out the windshield, noting the pounding rain and endless darkness with scared eyes. She _hated_ storms.

"Flat tire," Phil replied simply. "But I saw a castle a mile or two ago; maybe we can go there and ask for help."

Maria nodded and grabbed an old newspaper from the glove box. She exited the car and held the paper over her head as a makeshift umbrella (because _paper_ is totally gonna block out the rain). She followed Phil to the castle, shaking and shivering the whole way. By the time they got there, the two of them were completely soaked, and Maria was wearing the jacket from Phil's suit.

Phil grasped the large doorknockers and pulled, letting them go and listening to the loud _boom_ sound they made against the door. A moment later, the large wooden door opened to reveal a slightly hunched man with short brown hair and a creepy grin.

"Yes?" the man greeted.

"Our car broke down a few miles that way," Phil explained, pointing to the direction they had walked from. "Could we use your phone to call for help?"

The man eyed the couple, and the wheels in his head turned.

"You're soaking wet," he noted.

Maria deadpanned. "Yes," she replied, "it's raining."

The man stepped aside and held the door open for them. Phil nodded his thanks and led Maria inside. The man seemed to examine the outside for a moment before closing the door.

Once inside, Maria and Phil could hear music coming from the other room.

"Are you throwing a party?" Maria asked politely.

The man nodded. "You've arrived during one of the master's affairs."

"Does this happen often?" Phil asked. The man shrugged slightly but nodded.

"He must be very lucky." Maria mumbled, glancing around at the expensive decorations coating the front room. A redheaded woman in a French maid outfit slid down the banister with a grin.

"He's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky!" she cried.

"The banister's lucky!" someone from the other room added. Maria stared at the woman, jumping when the very dusty grandfather clock struck midnight.

The doorman and the maid grinned at each other.

"**It's astounding, time is fleeting,**" the doorman sang, approaching the grandfather clock and pointing to its hands. "**Madness takes its toll.**"

He opened the clock, revealing a rather old and dusty skeleton. Maria stared in horror.

"**But listen closely,**" the doorman continued.

"**Not for very much longer,**" the maid added, standing beside him.

"**I've got to keep control.**" The man stepped away from the clock and walked towards the couple.

"**I remember,**" he grinned, "**doing the Time Warp.**" He danced around with the redheaded girl who was also grinning.

"**Drinking those moments when the blackness would hit me,**" he sang happily, jumping on a table and extending a hand to the girl.

"**And the void would be calling,**" they sang together. They made their way to the next room where dozens of party-goers were dancing and singing.

"**Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!**" they all cried together. Maria stared in horror while Phil tried to make sense of the situation.

"**It's just a jump to the left,**" a mysterious voice called. All of the dancers jumped about a foot to the left.

"**And then a step to the right!**" they sang, tapping their right foot every second.

"**With your hands on your hips,**" the voice called again, and the dancers placed their hands firmly on their own hips.

"**And bring your knees in tight!**" they cried, bending down slightly and pressing their knees together. "**But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane!**" They began thrusting around, laughing and singing. Maria continued to watch in horror.

"**Let's do the Time Warp again!**" the dancers screamed, jumping in different directions and waving their hands.

"**It's so dreamy, oh, fantasy free me,**" the redheaded girl sang, leaning against a post. "**So you can't see me, no, not at all.**"

She walked behind the post and rested her arms along the bar resting on it. "**In another dimension with voyeuristic intention. Well secluded, I see all.**" She rested her head on the bar, staring at Phil and Maria.

The man from before jumped on the table beside the girl. "**With a bit of a mind flip. . .**"

The girl took his hand and joined him on the table. "**You're into the time slip.**"

"**And nothing can ever be the same.**"

"**You're spaced out on sensation,**" the girl sang, rubbing her hands on the post she was leaning on and tilting her head back as though she were in ecstasy.

"**Like you're under sedation!**" the man cried, pumping a fist in the air. Maria watched the fiasco and her naïve virgin brain decided it was too much. The room went black; Maria fainted. Phil continued to watch the dance, only slightly phased.

"**Let's do the Time Warp again!**" the partiers screamed. "**Let's do the Time Warp again!**"

A thin man with spiky brown hair and wearing a rather feminine dance outfit sat on the bar that the redhead had previously been resting on. He has a questionably high voice, but no one else seemed to notice. "**Well, I was walking down the street, just having a think, when a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink! He shook me up, he took me by surprise, he had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes! He stared at me and I felt a change; time meant nothing, never would again!**"

The girly man twirled around in red tap shoes, clumsily falling on the stairs that led up to a stage. He glared and righted his top hat before standing up to join the dancers.

"**Let's do the Time Warp again!**" they all cheered, turning and jumping.

"**It's just a jump to the left,**" the mysterious voice returned. All of the dancers jumped left.

"**And then a step to the right!**" they cheered, tapping their foot to the right.

"**With your hands on your hips,**" said the voice. All hands flew to their respective hips.

"**And bring your knees in tight!**" Knees were pressed together as the thrusting and circling started. "**But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane!**"

And then the party-goers jumped and spun around, waving their hands. "**Let's to the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!**" After finishing the song, all of the dancers and apparent staff collapsed on the floor. Maria had awoken some time earlier, and was now urging Phil towards the door. They walked slowly, and mostly backwards, trying not to alert the crowd. They backed into what they thought was the door, only to find out it was actually an elevator. Oh no, the people were waking up…

Ha, I'm having way too much fun with this.

(1) I wasn't really paying attention to pairings; I was trying to get the characters to be similar.


End file.
